Texas

Last year a couple old friends and I were sitting at a hotel bar in Dallas, being served by the sweetest ol' 60-something Texas lady you ever met. Y'all know what I'm sayin' here, darlin'? Seriously, she was the essence of down-home hospitality.

Then I said to her, "hey, I hear this governor of yours is talking about seceding from America. What about that?" I smiled as I said this, because, on virtually any level you can think of, this is preposterous.

Well, she stayed personable, but showed a new seriousness when she answered: "Well, of course! Why wouldn't we want to? I don't know anyone who doesn't think that's a great idea."

That got me to wondering about how a seemingly ordinary person could be so delusional, and I just couldn't help but conclude this was the final proof for something I've long suspected. America would be far better off if the Mexicans has just kept winning after the Alamo...or taken the rematch during the Mexican-American War. Texas is just plain wrong for America.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know good people who were born in Texas. I'm just happy they got out alive. But so much of what's wrong with this country can be traced to the ignorant bellicosity of that one altered state.

There's no need to go into a long list of specifics here. Just let me say that without Lyndon Johnson, an intelligent Texan who didn't have the balls to say no to Vietnam...and George W. Bush, a man without balls who invaded Iraq to make people believe otherwise, there would be a lot more safe and sound U.S. families today.

The reason I bring this up is the vote this week by the Texas Board of Education to alter the social studies content of schoolbooks sold in the state in order to promote the right wing view of the world. Planned additions to the history books include, “the conservative resurgence of the 1980s and 1990s, including Phyllis Schlafly, the Contract With America, the Heritage Foundation, the Moral Majority and the National Rifle Association.” Among many deletions will be any credit given to Thomas Jefferson for writings which led to revolutions in both the U.S. and Europe. Why him? Because he had the audacity to utter the dastardly words, "separation of church and state".

Although flooding the commission with more than 100 different amendments to the state curriculum since the start of the year, one thing that will not be included are mentions of more Hispanic figures to serve as role models to the burgeoning number of Hispanics in the state school systems. A Latino leader called this an attempt to "pretend this is a white America". Maybe if Santa Anna had just refused to kill Davy Crockett 150 years ago, the board would have been more charitable.

Right now it's hard to look at our country and not see an excess of stupidity. I realize every generation of Americans believes the same thing, but really--even in the anti-Communist McCarthy panic of the 50's, things could not have been worse than this. (Oh, and by the way, the Texas Board also wants to change the textbooks to show that McCarthy was actually right about all that Communist subversion).

So, although it seems unlikely that I'll ever get to cast a vote on whether the great state of Texas should secede from the union, I just want to be on the record casting a hearty 'yes'. I actually agree with that nice bartender lady. It could only make us all better.

Ya'll know what I'm sayin' here, darlin'?